Everyday She Waits (and Instead You Walk Away)
by harrythe
Summary: "Life is too cruel. If we cease to believe in love, why would we want to live?" Canon-compliant.


**Hey guys! So, I kind of tripped and stumbled my way into TVD, and I kind of fell face first into shipping Kalijah... so yeah... whoops...**

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She stands there, in front of you, for the first time in five hundred years. She's trembling, and your arms ache to reach out and cuddle her close. Tell her that everything will be okay, Katerina. Her hair isn't the wild and untamed curly mess that it was. It hangs flat, knotted and matted as though she hasn't touched a brush in a while, though that's to be expected if she's been in here for a few weeks. She has the Salvatore boy in her clutches, and it saddens you, to know that she was with another, and still wants him. She's desiccating, you can tell, her eyes sunken in, her movements slow. She's scared of you, you can see that much.

She's not the same girl, _woman_, you fell for, all those years ago.

She stiffens when you mention your brother. It's good to see that she still fears him. That the only thing stopping you from trying to make things work is she's running from your brother. Your brother who wants to punish her for eluding him, and taking away his chance at breaking his curse. She's always five steps ahead of you, and ten in front of your brother. Always running. Never stopping. Until now. Now, it's over, for her. You praise her good sense to be fearful, even though they echo around in your soul and you want to flinch because they sound so wrong. Katherine is finally done running.

_"But if I catch you, the game will be over."_

You can see the unbridled panic when you compel her to stay. That Klaus will know now, where to find her. It hurts to think of what your brother will do to her, but you know that it's for the best. Katerina Petrova is a memory, a ghost you're determined to shake. Katherine Pierce has been running from you for five hundred years. She needs to stop sometime. You can feel her panic when you walk away, and it almost makes you turn around, almost. She begs the younger Salvatore to help her, and you can hear her voice crack, and your step falters, and you almost turn back. Almost. Instead you just keep walking, ignoring the pang in your heart as you do.

There was a time when you would have turned around.

You should have seen the doppelganger's betrayal coming. Should have known that you could never trust someone descended from the Petrova bloodline. Petrova women are not to be trusted. You learned that from Tatia, who also fell for your brother, and Katerina who ran instead of letting you protect her, and once again with Elena. You don't trust easily for a good reason. It's been five hundred years since you've had to rely on someone else. But once again, you put your faith in the wrong person. You trusted Elena, trusted that she wouldn't betray you, and you would protect her family. She needed to trust you. She broke the trust. Petrova women will do anything to protect the people they love. In Elena's case, she'll protect her family. Katerina will always protect herself.

The Petrova women will always be your downfall. Tatia, Katerina, Elena.

Your don't expect to see Elena standing above you after removing the dagger from your heart. Her apologies are sincere, you can see that, but still you are angry that she doesn't trust you. So you tell her a story. A story of love, and betrayal. The story of a man that fell in love with a woman, and she betrayed him. How he chased her for centuries. You watch as her eyes grow in understanding, as she learns the story of why. She only seems to pity you more, as you are one of the first to be caught in Katherine Pierce's web. That's the difference, you think. Elena always full of courage, understanding, and pity, while Katherine is full of fear and anger.

Elena will never be the woman you love, and that's okay.

You are not surprised to learn about Katherine's escape from the tomb. Your temporary death broke the compulsion on her. You are surprised to learn that she's in Klaus's clutches though. If there's one thing you always counted on, it would be that Katherine would always be ten steps ahead of Klaus, and five steps ahead of you. Catching her in the tomb was always just a bit of luck. When you learn that her own descendant, the mother of Elena, betrayed her, you become even more surprised. Surprised that Katherine placed her trust in someone else. It's not like her.

You've spent years chasing Katherine. Never thought she'd actually get caught.

You don't have time to search for Katherine after she escapes from Klaus, too busy dealing with your family, and after that your mother. She's still on your mind though, knowing that the last time you saw her she was afraid for her future. You're wracked with guilt at the knowledge, knowing it's going to take some time before she trusts you again. You won't stop fighting for her though. Katerina, the woman you fell for, innocent, wide-eyed, and full of life, is always worth fighting for. You'll spend the rest of your existence proving that to her if you have to. Katherine may not deserve much for the way she's chosen to live her life, willing to step on anyone to get what she wants, but you're sure Katerina is in there somewhere, buried deep.

Katerina deserves the world.

The next time you see her she tells you the fanatical story of a cure for vampirism. How she needs it, and you, to bargain for her freedom. How she wants to be with you, and this is the only way. How you two can never truly be together unless she is free from Klaus. The cure is her ticket to freedom, she keeps insisting. So you two hatch a plan, a plan to get the cure. A cure you're still not sure exists, but you can hope for. You want to be with her, to discover your Katerina beneath the Katherine facade. So you help her. Old feelings thought to be buried deep, resurface, but you won't let them get in the way. You won't be fooled by Katherine Pierce again.

It should surprise you that you fall into bed with her so easily.

You pride yourself in knowing the difference in knowing the difference between the Petrova doppelgangers. Until you get duped by the lovely Elena. Anger burns through you when you realize she's turned off her humanity switch. The flippant way she talks to you, how she practically dismisses you. How she says everything you fear about your relationship with Katerina, and how it chills you to the bone to know she's probably right, even though you've thought about it many times. It also kills you to know that Katherine had a hand in the young Gilbert's death. This is not what you wanted, at all. You just wanted a way for your Katerina to come back. Now, as always, Elena is paying the price. Elena always had her compassion, her love, and her brother to ground her, and without it, she is as terrible as Katherine. Cruel, heartless.

You never wanted Elena to end up like this.

It shouldn't surprise you that Katherine would snap her doppelgangers neck. Katherine, who is most certainly not your Katerina. Elena's words bubble to the surface of your mind, and doubt seems to fill you. You ask her about the young Gilbert brother, watch as she blames Elena for making you doubt. You watch something flicker in her eyes when you call yourself a means to her survival, ignore the pang in your heart when she tells you she loves you. You watch her exterior harden when she accuses you of not believing, ignore the way she looks at you when you tell her you can't believe her. Everything in you is screaming at you to fix this, but you turn away instead. Katerina is long gone, buried beneath the Katherine facade. Your heart skips when she reaches out to you, but you ignore it when instead she begs you to talk to Klaus. Another means of survival. Once again fooled by love.

_"Life is too cruel. If we cease to believe in love, why would we want to live?"_

You don't expect to see Katherine again, so you are surprised when she stops you on the street. Your heart picks up speed when she confesses to you that you were right. You never expected this from her. Katerina may still be in there, and your belief strengthens when pulls the cure out of her purse. Your question her motives, knowing that it may very well be another lie. Your emotionless mask breaks as she folds the cure into your palm, and you ache to reach out to her, to prove that there are feelings inside you. Feelings for her that have never faded. You want to trust her, the way she claims to trust you, but you still can't. Not yet.

It will always hurt to watch her walk away.

The next time you see her, you are getting ready to leave. You need to go help clean up one of Klaus's messes, as always. She begs you to stay, begs you to give your love another chance. You want to, and everything inside of you is screaming to stay. Screaming to not walk away again. This may be the time for you. Centuries of chasing, and running, and things can finally stop. Katherine is slowly fading away, you believe, and Katerina is resurfacing. If you disappear now, Katerina may disappear as well. But you have to go. That is why you do not kiss her on the lips. Because letting yourself have her now will make it that much harder to go. And it is time to go.

You will always regret walking away.

When you learn of Katherine's death, something inside you snaps. At first you are shocked, shocked that you are now living in a world where Katherine Pierce or your sweet Katerina Petrova does not exist. It doesn't seem possible, only because Katherine is one step ahead, and you are five steps behind. After shock comes guilt, guilt that you never gave her that second chance. Never kissed her one last time. Then you are angry, angry for not being there, for her being taken from you, for knowing that it was wrong for you to leave. The depression doesn't hit until you visit Mystic Falls, see the town where she finally met her demise, the town where everything in your life can stem from. You only spend a few hours in Mystic Falls, nothing left to tie you here. You throw yourself into helping your brother, anything to get your mind off of Katerina, the girl you loved. She is no more, one more lost love. You'll get over this. One day.

_"Forgive me, you remind me of someone."_

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**Review please?**


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